White coat. Heels.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
