I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
