The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
