I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
