The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
