the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So vagazzling was a success
I'm determined to sit on that face.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
