I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Randomize
