Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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