I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize