Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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