come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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