Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
