the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
