Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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