girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I use my feet as sexual weapons
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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