took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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