Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
