i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
