Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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