Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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