there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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