I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
