There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize