I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
