just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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