I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
