don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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