The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
