I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
