An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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