On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
