Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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