he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
