sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he fucked my hip out of place.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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