just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Do vagina's smell?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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