Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
