Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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