brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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