trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
