I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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