He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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