God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
