wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You smell like stripper and shame
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
