Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize