how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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