im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
