I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
