i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
