Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
