When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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