If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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