What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
