I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
