Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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