Don't you send me to vm
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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