Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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