I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize