Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
