youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
