I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
