they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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