so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
