just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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