I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
