He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
