my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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