last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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