Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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