I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
