singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize