I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
