The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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