Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She needs sedatives and a leash
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
