Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
