If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
