I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
